My Birth Experience

Alright, it's about time to share my birth story. As hard as it may be for me to relive, I need to share! Not only for me to normalize my own experience but to hopefully help someone else feel better about their birth experience!

I will start this story with a little warning; I am going to write about ALL the details! That includes blood and other bodily fluids...

It all started around midnight on the 18th of May. I woke to the feeling of peeing myself, which during pregnancy, wasn't all that weird! I got up to inspect the situation and felt much more happening. Jake and I had just moved, and I didn't have any pads to help soak up the liquid, so I grabbed a newborn size diaper to help me out! A moment later, I poked Jake on the arm to wake him and whispered, "I'm pretty sure my water just broke." One phone call to the hospital confirmed my suspicion; I told Jake to try to get some extra rest while I took a shower and got our bags ready.

We made it to the hospital around 2 am, where I learned I was only 2 centimeters dilated. When I wasn't progressing a few hours later, they decided to give me a pill to help speed along with the contractions. Around noon I was 5 centimeters and in so much pain! The nurse had been monitoring my contractions at the nurse's station and came in to see how I was feeling, pain wise. I decided it was time to get the epidural. The relief I felt was unreal! Everyone talks about how great they feel after getting the epidural, but it's a whole other thing getting to experience it for yourself.

Four o'clock hit; I had been napping and started to finally feel rested. My nurse came in to check me, and I was at 8 centimeters! Jake and I were so excited! We were so close to meeting our baby boy!

Fast forward two hours, my epidural was starting to wear off (don't worry, I pressed the epidural button). I was checked and hardly progressed at all. I was started on Pitocin to hopefully get the last little bit dilated.

Two more hours went by, it was 8 o'clock, and I pressed the epidural button one more time and was starting to feel the need to push. I called my nurse in, and she was happy to announce that we were almost ready! There was a little lip in my cervix that needed to dilate out of the way; otherwise, I could tear and hemorrhage when the baby came out.

We waited half an hour and checked again and then commenced practice pushes! My doctor then came in, and we started to really push! Jake and I could not hide our excitement! This was the moment we had been waiting for!

I pushed and pushed! We tried every position we could think of to get this baby boy out, but nothing seemed to be working. Two and a half hours of pushing, and there was no progression in the baby's position. It was almost 10:30 PM, which means my water had been broken for nearly 24 hours. I was utterly exhausted and losing motivation to keep going. My doctor gave one last position a try. She attached the squat bar to the bed, tied a knot on both sides of a bedsheet; I put my legs up, grabbing the sheet on one end while my doctor had the other end; she then pulled on her end while I pulled on mine. Zero progression.

We then had to move on to our last resort, c-section.

I was then prepped for surgery. My epidural had worn off as well, and I could feel every contraction of active labor. Because of the pandemic, Jake was told that he wouldn't be able to go into the O.R. with me, but we could facetime.

Finally, I was in the O.R. and hooked up to all the monitors. My doctor started by pushing the baby back into my uterus. Of everything that happened that day, that had to have been the most excruciating. The doctor even stated that it wasn't for lack of trying; the baby was sunny side up and at an awkward angle. It was because of this that he had gotten stuck in the birth canal, and I ended up getting the emergency c- section. She then made sure I was numb from the neck down and began the procedure. Baby boy was born on May 18th at 11:08 PM, weighing in at 8 pounds 1 ounce and 22 inches long.

I couldn't believe it! I had a perfect baby boy with long monkey toes and strawberry blonde hair. The nurses cleaned up my handsome little boy and took him to go meet his daddy.

All of a sudden, my doctor said to inject some medicine into my IV in a pretty panicked voice. I started to feel very nauseous and began to vomit. I turned my head to the side so they could suction the vomit out of my mouth. Unfortunately, this was the side where my vitals monitor was. As I was vomiting, an alarm started to go off; I stared at the monitor, watching my heart rate rise and fall. All I remember was the chaos in the O.R. and thinking to myself that I was going to die. I couldn't leave Jake with a newborn. I was Jake's best friend and couldn't die yet because Jake just lost his real best friend, and that would be way too much for him to handle.

Then I was in the recovery room. Jake had Gabriel in his arms and was smiling at me as I woke up. I was then informed that I hemorrhaged in surgery and threw up over a liter! I then got to hold my baby boy for the first time and tried to nurse him, and I knew that everything that I experienced that day was completely and totally worth it.

I sit here and write my story with my perfectly healthy baby asleep on my chest and can truthfully tell you that I would do it all over again for my son. He really is my world; I would do anything for him.

I want to thank whoever has read my story, and I hope you can find my story relatable in some way.

The Story Behind My Son's Name

My husband, Jake, and I never intended for our first son to be named Gabriel. In fact we always thought we would name our first son after Jake's father, Anthony. Which coincidentally is my father's name as well. But then a very special person left us.

To understand how important this person was in our lives, you have to rewind to when Jake was a child. There was a new kid in school named Gabe and from day one, those two were inseparable. They were a pair. People didn't just refer to Jake or Gabe as individuals, they always referred to them together.

Unfortunately, Gabe didn't have the best upbringing and spent most of his days at Jake's house and Jake's parents embraced him with open arms. Gabe ended up living with that family on and off until he was an adult and Jake's family considered him part of the family. He even had his own stocking at Christmas!

Fast forward to September of 2019, Jake and I were both working in road construction. We were waiting for Gabe to finish with another job so he could come help us when all of the sudden, a dozen police cars and ambulances raced through our job. Everyone immediately new something bad had happened but we had no way of telling how devastating it would be.

About half an hour later, my boss comes to me and tells me to go find Jake. I did as I was told and was met with the news. Jakes 'brother' and our friend had been in a car accident.

A couple days had passed and Jake and I decided the best thing for us was to head home to Montana. On our drive, I looked at Jake and asked if we could name one of our sons Gabriel. We then decided our first son would be named Gabriel.

The next day while I was unpacking, I was experiencing some symptoms that could have been from my period or pregnancy so I decided to take a pregnancy test. I watched as this test developed two pink lines.

Jake and I now have the most beautiful baby boy.

The New Addition

May 18th, 2020, my life began..

I became a mother to a beautiful, perfect little boy.

May 18th was the hardest, scariest day of my life but it was also the best day of my life because that's the day I met my little buddy.

Born at 11:02 p.m. at 8 pounds 1 ounce and 22 inches long.

I would like to introduce everyone to Gabriel Glen Cruse.